


Captain Dorito, Winter Wonderland, and the Intern Who Got Lucky With Them

by GlassRose



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Multi, Purple Prose, wtffanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 09:39:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3204557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassRose/pseuds/GlassRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis is snowed in with Bucky and Steve, both of whom despise cold and snow due to past trauma. She must find a way to cheer them up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Dorito, Winter Wonderland, and the Intern Who Got Lucky With Them

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a WTF Fanfiction contest. The requirements were "snowed in" and "absurd purple prose orgasm".
> 
> I do not own the characters but as the author of the story I do not want this posted anywhere else without my explicit permission.

"I hate snow," Sergeant Bucky Barnes growled, glaring most fiercely at the vile white ice crystals that were piling up outside the window of Tony Stark's cliché yet charming cabin in the goddamn fucking cold state of Vermont. Already the howling wind was creating drifts reaching past the vertical midpoint of the exterior walls.

"I know, right?" Captain Steve Rogers sighed, shaking his head in sorrow. "I remember when we were kids, it was kinda neat when it snowed, but seventy years on ice has changed my perspective a little."

"At least your frozen experience was one and done," Bucky said darkly. His eyes grew haunted and agonized.

"Hey gorgeous, you gotta let it go. Get your head out of wherever you went." Darcy Lewis arose from her reclining position on the sofa to wrap her arms softly around the cybernetically enhanced superhero's waist. "Snow is not all bad. In fact, since we're stuck here—"

"We're not stuck here," Steve began, furrowing his brow in confusion. "If I call Tony he can have us out of here in five min—"

"SINCE we're stuck here," Darcy continued, raising her voice as if addressing the audience in the mezzanine from a Broadway stage, "we are going to be cozy and I am going to prove to you sad old men that being snowed in is, in fact, awesome."

Steve and Bucky shared a lingering glance. Although they initially matched gazes to communicate silently their feelings regarding Darcy's plan, they accidentally lost themselves in each other's eyes. Minutes passed, perhaps even hours. Bucky wasn't sure. His beloved often had such an effect on him. Only when Darcy spoke again did the spell break, rousing him from the trance.

"Wow, you guys have been staring at each other for thirty whole seconds. Get the fuck up, we're building a fire."

In the end, Steve prepared the fire without aid from the other two as Darcy and Bucky sought high and low throughout the cabin for various forms of bedding, which they spread out on the floor in front of the fireplace. Steve felt unsure about their endeavor. Never one to keep silent about that which he considered important, he expressed his reservations forthwith. "This seems unsafe, guys. Bedding could just catch fire."

"Yes but look!" Darcy gestured. "Fire." She waved both her arms in sweeping, gleeful motions at the veritable sea of pillows and blankets. "Soft things."

Steve nodded slowly, contemplating the advantages of both fires and soft things. Yet even now he felt less than enthused about the night as a whole, considering the trio was still trapped in the cabin and the snow grew ever higher with each passing minute. Perhaps he ought to contact his partner in Avenging, Tony Stark, to set them free of their icy prison. He raised his head to meet Darcy's eye. "So we just…sit here? Watch Netflix?"

"Oh my _god_ ," Darcy groaned to Bucky. "He's so _slow_."

Steve's jaw dropped in astonishment at the unexpected revelation of Darcy and Bucky's true intentions. "You mean this is so we can—"

"Do the horizontal contra dance, yes," Darcy answered. "Well kind of, I mean there's only three of us and a contra dance is four to a group, but tango is just for two and I had to think of something fast. Come on, Stevie, this isn't the first time we've hooked up."

The pupils of Steve's eyes dilated, almost covering his patriotic blue irises. Bucky smirked, a teasing yet most sexually appealing, sardonic smile, and hauled Darcy into his lap, metal arm whirring in an odd fashion. "No one's gonna arrest us, baby," he said, his voice sultry as a summer breeze. "This ain't your first threesome, I oughta know. You in or out?"

Steve let out a loud breath. "Fuck yes, I'm in. I just didn't realize where all this was headed."

Darcy cooed. "Aww."

"Yeah yeah, I'm an idiot, ha ha ha."

Darcy giggled. "Come here, hot stuff."

With a wicked grin, Steve crawled across the pillowed floor and hauled Darcy in to claim her mouth with his. Their tongues fought in a lazy manner as Darcy spread her gorgeous gams to straddle Steve. Bucky pushed a knee between Steve's to press up against Darcy's back and plant fiery kisses on the back of her neck. She let out a moan that entered through Steve's ears but had a potent effect on another part of his body. His groin area, of course. With an audible release of suction, just like two best friends bidding each other farewell on the Brooklyn docks, Darcy's lips parted from Steve's as her head lolled back on Bucky's shoulder, giving the Winter Soldier an opening to slide his fingers into Steve's hair and pull him forward for a passionate French kiss.

Darcy was having a wee bit of trouble believing that she'd actually managed to make herself the meat in the hottest sandwich _ever_. Her pussy quivered as Bucky worked his metal hand between her and Steve to fondle her soft, bouncy breast. "Gooooooooood yes," she groaned, sliding her hands down to squeeze the firm globes of Steve's ass.

"Wait," Bucky said suddenly, jerking back from Steve. "Wait, was that an elongated 'God yes' or 'Good, yes'?"

Steve seized upon the opportunity to remove Darcy's shirt by pulling it over her head as she replied, "The first one, you moron. Were you reading or listening?"

"It's fanfic," he protested, nimbly undoing her bra clasp despite the awkwardness of his prosthetic fingers. "Grammatical liberties are often taken that confuse the reader sometimes."

"Shut up and get naked, Barnes," ordered Steve.

"Don't boss me around," Bucky countered, nevertheless immediately proceeding to obey Steve's command. He arose from his kneeling position to unzip his jacket and pants, ripping them off and hurling them aside, heedless of where they landed.

"Good boy," Steve said, smiling in appreciation of his partner's bare body. "Wait, shit!" He shoved Darcy off and hastened to pull Bucky's smoking pants out of the fireplace. "As much as I like to look at your legs, baby, you might need pants in the morning."

"Good call," Darcy said, pulling her own trousers off and laying them to the side. "Now you should join in the fun."

"Right." Steve carefully set down the pants and began taking off his own clothes while Bucky lay down next to Darcy and lay his sweet heroic tongue upon her shoulder, dragging it up her neck. She hummed in quiet contentment as she watched Captain America shed his fabric prison and bare his amazing pectoral muscles and genetically improved cock.

Darcy emitted a strange noise from her throat and abandoned Bucky to rise up on her knees and gently lick the star-spangled penis like a popsicle. Bucky, naturally having none of that, crept up behind her and knelt between her legs, laying bite marks upon her neck and sliding a hand down to her core, well, not her core like you'd say if you were talking about a workout, but her core like if you were writing an old-style book, like if you were pretentious as fuck (*cough* George RR Martin *cough*), which is to say, her sex, or unambiguously, her vulva. He slid his hand down her body and, with her sign that she yearned for more, dragged two fingers between her labia minora. As she lowered her hips to take him inside her, he took advantage of his free hand to massage her breast. She moaned in sweet pleasure, causing Steve's hips to jerk.

"Wait," Steve said. "I want to taste you."

From Darcy's lips came a beautiful noise that can best be transcribed as, "Hunghhrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyessssss."

"Yeah. Just let me throw a log on the fire first."

"Goddamnit," Darcy growled, vexed, as Steve took in his hands a large log, tore it asunder, and set it upon the coals, expelling air through his lips to raise the flames. This took too fucking long, but threesomes have advantages. Darcy encouraged her other lover to sit back as she took him in hand and guided him inside her body.

"Oh god yes," Bucky sighed in pleasure. "I haven't fucked a dame since Natasha, and I don't even remember that. That may only be in the comics—not sure yet, the Russos were pretty vague—and we're MCU."

Steve looked most affronted. "Am I not good enough for you?"

"Aw, doll, don't be like that. I like strawberries _and_ blueberries and any berries, really, and if I only ever get blueberries that's all right, but sometimes it's nice to have a strawberry every now and then."

"Yeah…fair enough."

"Now c'mere, Rogers, I think you promised our lady here a cunning linguistics session."

"Yes, oh my god, _please_ ," Darcy moaned as Bucky thrust upward to allow space for pillows beneath his ass. Her fingers reached back, seeking his hipbones, and as he pushed his manhood into her soft wet heat once more, the good captain separated his beloved's legs to make himself a space. Settled, he dove upon the lady's sex and voraciously lapped at her core (again, we're talking about privates, not abs or something), and as the opportunity arose he also set his tongue to Bucky's tumescent manliness. Presently the voluptuous lass began to tremble and heave. Captain Rogers took this to be a sign that her climax of pleasure would be upon her quite soon. Desperate to offer such a joy to her again as he had once before, he redoubled his efforts upon her genitalia.

Darcy Lewis felt every perfect and patriotic lick of Steve's beautiful pink tongue. Bucky's firm muscles—made possible by villainy, but that did not detract from their sublime awesomeness—rippled at her back as his arms—one of masculine, sinewy flesh, the other of fire-warmed, lustrous, metal alloy-plated robotic parts—clasped 'round her torso, raising and lowering her onto his turgid phallus. The pleasure threatened to overwhelm Miss Lewis with its unending perfection. She knew she must warn the men that her zenith was imminent, yet no words could she find, for pleasure was her only language now. "Oh!" issued forth from her red lips as the sergeant continued to move his penis within her body. "YES OH GOD YES." Her scream was likely heard in the next county over as Darcy's body physically released built up sexual tension, as sex often leads to, an orgasm, that is, and Bucky and Steve continued in the actions they were pursuing in order that they might bring Darcy pleasure, which they obviously did.

And normally Darcy would return the favor, as it was a bit rude to take an orgasm from a beau but roll over and go to sleep before ensuring that they too could feel the expected culmination of a sexual encounter, but she had never quite experienced such a fucking good fucking, and was—forgive the floweriness—down for the count. Bucky gently laid her on the adjacent pillows so she could watch through lidded eyes as he spent five minutes seeking silicone-based lubricant. The intended use, of course, being to insert his cock in a mutually satisfying manner into Steve's anus. This plan was most effective, and when the Nazi-fighting duo had achieved their goals of ejaculation, they set their bodies 'round Darcy's for post-sexual escapade snuggling.

"You know," she said, yawning, "part two of enjoying being snowed in was hot chocolate, but I might pass out first."

"Yeah, and," Bucky pointed out, "you don't want to get up anyway, 'cause you're sandwiched between the two hottest superheroes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe."

"Yeah, maybe," Darcy agreed, "but that's only 'cause Captain Marvel isn't out for three more years."

Bucky and Steve shared a meaningful look before squeezing Darcy and pressing kisses all over her. "I'm prepared for war," Steve said regally.

"You better be!" an enraged voice shouted from the now-open front door. Snow swirled around the levitating iron suit that encased a man. "You just had the hottest threesome of the millennium in _my_ cabin without me. This means war, Rogers. This means…"

Tony Stark paused for dramatic effect as the three naked folk regarded him curiously, and not without some apprehension. At last, Tony finished his threat.

"… _Captain America 3: Civil War_."


End file.
